So I was out in the garage with my sweet mother-in-law picking out movies and I picked out a couple sad ones, and I have always wondered why I liked sad movies? Then Marcia said something to me that finally made me realize why I like sad movies, she said "It is because you like to feel." It hit me then, that was EXACTLY why I like sad movies! I like to be moved to tears, I like to feel love, even if its sad and someone dies. I never want to feel indifference, if there is a day when I don't feel joy or sorrow or silliness or laugh out loud, then I don't feel fulfilled, I feel incomplete, like I wasted an entire day of my life!
The first time I remember truly feeling something, thinking about someone other than myself and trying to feel what they felt, trying to imagine what they went through and what it felt like, was when I was about 10 or 11 years old. I was in primary, it was Easter Sunday and my teacher got up in front and played a song on his guitar called "Watch the Lamb" It was about Christ. And it touched my heart... I felt something so deep in my soul that I didn't want that feeling to go away, it was sadness and joy and peacefulness and love! It was gratitude and a burning desire to know my savior. I asked my teacher to make me a CD with that song on it and he brought it over to me, and I listened to it over and over again, I seriously remember this! I was unloading the dishwasher when I first put it in and I when I was done, I just sat there next to the CD player and pushed repeat. Though I haven't listened to it for years because now that I am older, it breaks my heart. I have found that I am very sensitive to the power of music, it moves me more than anything.
I believe that experience opened the door for me to feeling everything deeply, to my core even. I am constantly crying about something whether it be a sad picture or a happy love story, or a sad movie, or even something scary! When I get scared I cry, when I am happy I cry, when I am sad I cry, when I see someone else in pain I cry for them, when I see that they are truly happy I cry for them. And it is because I feel, I feel everything around me, I feel it in the deepest parts of my soul and I want to!
Lol, you are so sweet! And this is so lovely well written! Copy it into your journal! This is a huge part of you and huge part of who you are...your kids and posterity would love to know it!
ReplyDeleteI don't like sad movies BECAUSE they make me feel...haha...I like to feel happy only, not sad...it's too painful and I get far too involved in the movie, storyline, characters etc...so I feel like someone actually died if one of them died...or like my heart broke like theirs...so I can't enjoy them the same was you do. But I think it's wonderful that you like the feel and keep yourself feeling alive and empathetic. :-) Love you!